Confessions

I have a confession to make.  There was something I was dreading about coming back to Haiti after our lovely Christmas break in the US.  The thought of dreading it makes me feel ashamed.  Because it’s something that I’m supposed to love.  But it’s also something that, in my selfishness, I end up hiding from sometimes.

Relationships.

Now, let me explain.  I love people.  I love my family.  I love my friends, colleagues, and the students I work with.

But, what I’m painfully discovering about myself is that I often love them on my own terms.  When I’m rested.  When I feel like it.  When it’s convenient.  When it doesn’t demand too much.

But here, “my own terms” is not how relationships seem to work.  Haitian culture is hugely relational.  When you enter a room, you are expected to greet every person, individually, with a handshake or a kiss on the cheek.  Even if you’ve never met before.  Even if you’re just coming in for a second.  Even if the American, “Hey, everyone,” would seem to cover it.  And when you see someone you know, you’re expected to say hello and ask about them.  Maybe about how they are doing.  Or how they slept.  Or how their weekend was.  Or how their family is doing.  Even if you just have a quick question or need to buy laundry soap from them. 

In Creole class several weeks ago, pairs of students did role-plays in front of the class.  One such role play was about asking for directions from a stranger on the street.  The first person started, “Excuse me, do you know where the hospital is?”  Grammatically, the student was totally right, but after he had finished, the teacher corrected him.  “You cannot just say, ‘Excuse me,’ you must say ‘Hello.’  Maybe also ‘How are you?’  If you don’t say that, it’s rude.  The person may be so offended that they will send you to the wrong place!”

And, at my core, I love that in this culture, relationships matter.  Because it acknowledges human dignity.  It says, “You are a person, and I see you, and you’re important to me.”  And that’s deeply true.  It's what I see in Jesus' interactions with others.  It’s exactly what I want to communicate to people. 

But sometimes, I’m running late to a 7:15am staff meeting and it would be easier to just wave and keep walking past the guards and my friends in the kitchen.  And sometimes I’m really focused on a task and would rather not chat about the weekend.  Sometimes my own busy agenda gets in the way of interactions that can be true gifts if I give them the space to happen.

And so, I confess.  I confess that sometimes my “to do” list seems more important than the individuals that God has brought into my path.  I confess that sometimes I am to preoccupied to honor the people I encounter with even the small gift of an appropriate greeting.  And I confess that as I was preparing to return to Haiti from our visit to the US, the relational component of my live here seemed daunting. 

For all of these things, I pray for God’s forgiveness.  I pray for the forgiveness of people whom I haven’t loved well.  And I pray for the grace to follow Love more closely tomorrow.